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My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter, Where Everything Must Be Said in 140 Characters or Less

We're now on Daylight Saving Time and I find out Bernie Madoff swiped my clocks.

@luckyshirt sez: "Daylight Saving Time! THE ROAST OF LARRY THE CABLE GUY moves forward an hour." Correction: sometime between noon & 10pm.

I've been disappointed with MARMADUKE for 50 yrs. and now there's a movie coming? I'm already not queuing up. Bad dog. Big dog.

I'm bringing in the stray cat I feed because of 11 degree chill & I need someone to try out jokes on. Cruelty? How dare you?

News Item: "Waffle House Invites Customers To Get 'Scattered, Smothered, Covered' In Romance." Oh. That explains their mens rooms.

I was up to 4AM, writing. It's so swell to be able to lose sleep, health, money, self-respect, and dignity all at the same time!

I've always felt the perks of the writing life are the commute from the bed to my desk and, of course, the underwear thang.

Went to a play, SECRETS OF A SOCCER MOM, where these women yelled at brats playing ball offstage. I missed the goal, skinned my knees.

Watching Abbott and Costello IN THE NAVY. These guys should not be sent to the Persian Gulf.

I may change doctors. At my blood test today, there was a pop quiz on oxygenation. I took a deep breath and was accused of cheating.

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