100 Things About Me

#26

Mall Tarts and Balderdash

I'm a people watcher. And I'm a people lover. And I'm a people nurturer.

I like seeing the fashions parade by.

A popular contemporary style involves grown men wrapping tight, colorful bandana do-rags onto their scalps as an adornment.

Oh, the festiveness! I get caught up in the haute couture for I am nothing but appreciative of a handsome accessory for the heady poseur!

I never fail to stroll over to these gallant gents and stress in my most excited, breathy, gee-whizzy stage whisper:

"Are ... YOU ... a ... PIRATE?"

A sure-fire eye-turner to avert my gala gaze o' gawks from fancy guys avoiding the plank are the young ladies cruising the malls in fur boots.

I'm fascinated by these noble nubility who stroll thither and hither in deep, wintry, 25 degrees cold snaps, often in hiphugger miniskirts, always in belly shirts -- and exposed cleavage-in-waiting.

Their legs are ensconced in oversized, puffy and/or fluffy and/or mukluky footwear stretching upwards to knees and navel-pierced glints.

I dub thine lasses: skankimos.

And I am here to shepherd them, for I am Skankimoses.

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Photos copyright ©2005 Mike Durrett. All rights reserved.