Thoughts During 'The 101 Dalmatians Musical'

• Saw spots in the first act, when I realized this production is not based on the Disney classic, as we had been led to believe.
  
  
• Saw spots when there was no "Cruella De Vil" song, as featured in the Disney classic.
  
  
• Saw spots when the human characters were different than in the Disney classic.
  
  
• Saw spots when the dogs have different love interests than in the Disney classic.
  
  
• Saw spots when the puppies never watch television and don't see the Kanine Krunchies commercial from the Disney classic.
  
  
• Saw spots when the untethered tot, allegedly seated next to me, was allowed to roam and fidget during the not Disney classic.
  
  
• Saw spots when I hollered up to Ms. De Vil to grab this little girl to make one of her coats. Cruella declined due to the lack of spots on the brat.
  
  
• ...Saw spots when I realized I had forgotten my Sharpie pen.

Previous: "Thoughts During..."

Big Weekend

We ate the groom's cake.

Mike Durrett: Private Eye

It's midnight. I'm on the night beat.

Nights like this, it doesn't pay to be hardboiled. Two scrambled. Side of raisin toast. I whine for Mixed Fruit. Okay, Grape's good. Jelly, my beverage of choice.

12:09 a.m. - I check the want ads. 40% want ads. 67% want Olive Garden two-fers with breadstick. 12% like "Hi & Lois" in color.

12:17 a.m. - I'm in no mood for cup of Joe. Nasty. I U-turn outta the urinal, sour faced and never been zipped. I hold it for something to dew later.

12:18 a.m. - I break into the cold outside the diner and wait.

12:43 a.m. - I put a tail on suspicious couple, pulling away from Musso & Frank's. I don't think they spot me as we cruise under the glints of ancient neon along Hollywood Blvd.

12:44 a.m. - They floor their sedan, trapping me at the traffic light by the Wax Museum. I hop out and run around my car and dive back in before red turns to green.

12:48 a.m. - Jeepers, this is a long light.

12:49 a.m. - I finger through my loot bag with the last of the Halloween treats. A candy corn. A candy toenail.

12:50 a.m. - GREEN! I'm off!...

1:37 a.m. - There they are! One of those "We Never Close" Aquafina machines, a block due west of Dayton.

1:38 a.m. - I park dark and watch. The moll whiffs my cologne, drops the bottle. Her water breaks. They dosado and allemende left into the front seats of the Volvo, but fast. Some people will never learn "Aquafina originates from public water sources and then is purified through a rigorous, seven-step process called HydRO-7™."

2:22 a.m. - I lose them at the QT near Holly Springs, GA. Shoot, man, I have to gas up -- and cup of Mike.

3:11 a.m. - All is quiet. I newfangle practice newfangled text messaging on newfangled cell phone, forgoing thumbs, using the butt of a 45.

(I lie about my age.)

Exactly. I know how you feel. I hate when others do Norm Crosby's act. That damn Mamie Eisenhower.

4:52 a.m. - Barnaby. Barnaby Durrett. I like it. Maybe when I'm fighting crime at 90.

5:48 a.m. - Scribbled note to self on matchbook cover:

SEE DENTIST RE: NEW FANG. MAYBE A BLING.

6:23 a.m. - I wonder. Is matchbook affectation still impressing chicks? It's a ruse. I never smoke. Cigarettes are dangerous to my arias. Few love a hacking prima donna.

7:14 a.m. - Crawl into bed. Carpet needs raking.

7:15 a.m. - Pat snooze button on cat. I'm out to lunch.

What the Heck Was I Thinking?

Actual Messages I Wrote, Forgot, Then Found While Cleaning Out My Email Folders

I Got Nuthin'

"Consolation Video: The Phillie Phanatic" via Real American Stories

Mikellaneous

My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter, Where Everything Must Be Said in 140 Characters or Less

I have an evening planned in the company of Cruella De Vil. We have tickets to her 101 DALMATIANS musical. Note to Self: Don't wear spots.

Eying that ShamWow mop. Wondering should I wait for the 2010 model? The new strains of soup spills and canned beets drips will be vicious.

Looking ahead to my work on the RADIO CITY CHRISTMAS SPECTACULAR. I went in for pre-show orientation. I learned they don't provide Mikettes.

I just ran around our house and knocked on the front door. We've got Kraft Fudgies!! Trick-or-Treat!!!!!

I went trick-or-treating as Vince of ShamWow! Everyone said, "Hey, it's Mike of SlamChow!" ... Ingrates.

We had a fight. She Halloweened as Cruella De Vil. Me? Vince from ShamWow. I buffed the spots off her puppies.

@kellyskelly reports: "I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to." Oh, me, too. Obviously, mine say: "Snack. Wrinkle. Poop."

Article asks me: "Why Aren't Curly Light Bulbs Perfect Yet?" ... That's easy: Moe government.

Thanks @SoCalVillaGuy, @kellyskelly, @sheryl_oconnell & @WH2H_Radio for the recent mentions. I'll be over soon for my lawn jockey shifts.

Michael Jackson ... THIS IS IT! ... Yeah. ... I'm there. ... As soon as I get my glove blocked.

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Big Weekend

Big weekend ... trick-or-treating.

Meanwhile...

Morty had an excellent Halloween, thank you very much. I took him trick-or-treating door to door with his plastic jack-o'-lantern, soon filled to the brim with bite-sized Pounce, Meow Mix, and fetid shrimp by-products.

His able seafarer costume never fails to enrapture, but, if truth be told, Morty was actually channeling former Secretary of State Madeleine Korbel Albright, a curious, but highbrow, landlubberly choice. I just wish this kitty weren't so political and more whiskery.

We returned home and Morty embarked on his fishy snacks coma, accompanied by this year's horror movie classic, "Ghost Dogs," which we present for you here. That boy will be wailing in bed for days....


"Ghost Dogs" via YouTube