Mikellaneous

My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter, Where Everything Must Be Said in 140 Characters or Less:

Sometimes my voice mail says, "Are you still there?" ... I hate it when the hired help gets snippy.

Attention Burl Ives, concerning HOLLY JOLLY CHRISTMAS: I don't care if you've been dead 14 years. Quit singing through your nose.

Mrs. Woods going after Tiger with a golf club ... Now, THAT'S comedy!

On TV: BACK FROM ETERNITY. Great movie. At least, it didn't leave me dangling like UVULA FROM ETERNITY.

News item: "School bans word: 'meep.'" ... Theyep haveep gotep toep beep kiddingep meep.

I watched FOUR CHRISTMASES on TV, shown panned and scanned. It was more like THREE POINT EIGHTEEN CHRISTMASES.

Visited Laurel & Hardy Official Website. Now my foot's swollen, head in a cast, keyboard in molasses & wife is the wiser.

Rehearsals are over on Atlanta's RADIO CITY XMAS SPECTACULAR. No one's yelled at me &The Rockettes are wearing their antlers. Life is good.

Phew. Pirates showed up unexpectedly in my bathtub! They were hostile. I met their ransom demand. I slipped into a robe.

@RasmussenPoll survey: "77% say they're on Santa's 'nice' list... 9% say 'naughty.'" ... I called in "sick."

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Eating With the Stars

I've been finished with my commitment to the "Radio City Christmas Spectacular" for five days and I am so hungry. Golly, did they feed us!

Thanksgiving weekend alone, we put on 11 shows (and untold poundage) in three days. We ate every three hours, following the Nativity finale. That's eight catered feasts in three days -- plus, snacks whenever we pleased.

To fit them all in, I had to schedule times to belch.

"I can erupt at 2:57, Intermission, which means I can Coca-Cola now and, maybe, THESE BROWNIES!... Nom. Nom. Nom. Nom. Nom...."

The crew always ate with the cast. Rockettes in their robes AND gravy!

For that I gave thanks.

Indeed, the Rockettes wore bathrobes to the buffets, before changing back into their work clothes. I simply continued to wear the terrycloth kimono while doing my job, strutting up through the Fox Theatre balcony crowds to the projection room.

Breezy! And more time for scarfing!

Santa dined in his red, fur-trimmed Slanket, which had to be altered after each slurp fest, while the Ensemble was seen in fleece Snuggies, which kept them warm and the sheep out of the commissary.

Say, for what it's worth, those Rockettes can pack away the food. I was astounded to see the girls' plates piled high with desserts galore. Of course, that's what abundant exercise can allow -- and exactly how I keep my figure, through vigorous exercise. I'm on The Burp Work-Out.

I stretched on a sofa after one humongous meal, stuffed, fulfilled, and happy, until some wag pointed at my tummy and asked if I were understudying the camels.

Nightmare Closet

Watching the performers behind the scenes was an education. They were forever rehearsing and keeping up to speed in their parts. The Dance Captains and other production personnel were relentless in their scrutiny of the toe tapping. Swing feet would be sent onto the stage on a moment's notice. This show is a meat grinder on dancers. The place was lined with severed heads.

Brutal.

Happy Hump Day!

Meet the actors (or, perhaps, I should say "actresses") I worked with during the "Radio City Christmas Spectacular" engagement in Atlanta.



These are great gals. I visited each day in their dressing corral behind the Fox Theatre.

Yes, I know, ladies, you won't date me either.


The girls are from Kansas. That is correct: Kansas camels, named Missy and Laverne, not Laverne and Shirley, as I originally had been informed.

They'd eye me as I walked up and head bump each other and snort with glee. I believe that's ruminant quadruped for "Squiggy."

The camels tour and appear in the Nativity scene, but due to The Rockettes' strong bargaining position, my furry friends don't do any fancy footwork in the show. They walk on stage, chew the scenery, and pay their respects to the baby Jesus impersonator. Then, they are outta there, for a roll in the hay.

Big Weekend

My 3½ weeks on the crew of Atlanta's presentation of the "Radio City Christmas Spectacular" concluded early Monday morning after the final show led to eight hours of striking the rental projection equipment for the ship out. Four of those hours involved heavy lifting and the other four involved heavy limping.

I also agreed to be fed twice. No Rockette agreed to pat me on the head and coo, "Poor baby."



The Fox Theatre's Production Manager told me I won the award for early exit. I left dozens of stagehands behind in my dust as they continued their massive 24-hour task to pack the sets, wardrobe, and technical apparatus onto anywhere between 17 and 22 huge trucks, depending to whom I talked.

Santa packed and flew his own sleigh. S'okay. He has a Teamsters card.

I knew the time had arrived for me to leave when the elf shoes were on the road to Dallas. They'll tinkle starting Thursday.

My new pals, the camels, donkey, and sheep, left after the curtain. They ate it and then clopped into a limo and sped away.

I heard a Rockette coo, "Poor ewe."

Glamorous, Isn't It?

After my 35mm movie clip insertion into the "Radio City Christmas Spectacular" performances, I make my way from the projection booth, high atop the Fox Theatre, down through the vast balcony and lobby (furtively dodging snippy, power-hungry volunteer ushers), into and along the basement, up the stairs, treading the stage over to this ultra-tech video console, located in a utility closet across the hall from The Slop Room, where the big sink and mop reside, fester, and plot.

I feel so regal.

From this location, I await my cue to play and project an 89-second piece of video into the famous Radio City "Living Nativity" sequence, via the actual equipment used in Bethlehem on that fateful night.

I Got Nuthin'

Consolation video: "The Muppets: Bohemian Rhapsody" via YouTube, thanks to Randy Stewart

Big Weekend

Another big weekend in the Atlanta Fox Theatre, where I'm surrounded by an amazing cast and crew on the "Radio City Christmas Spectacular." Plus, I have access to Santa Claus!


In fact, backstage, Santa spoke to me in a stairwell. He was wearing his robe.

Nice guy, but that is so wrong.

There I was with mixed feelings, my wish list, and an eyeful of The Knee.

Anybody know the zip code for North Pole?