Mike Durrett CONFIDENTIAL: January 2011

Mike Durrett: CONFIDENTIAL

Big Weekend

Big weekend, watching man-made monster, "Frankenstein."

Afterward, I treated everyone to flattops.

Image by twm1340 via Flickr

Mike Durrett: CONFIDENTIAL

I Got Nuthin'

Consolation Video: Larry Griswold on "The Frank Sinatra Show" (1951) via YouTube
Thanks to Frank Thompson

Morty is in the Christmas tree, homesteading.

We are consulting with attorneys and hope to overturn the hangdog feline's eminent domain claims by Thanksgiving, so we can take down the tree in time to put it back up for next Christmas.

We also do not need a kitty casino in our living room. I don't care if Morty has booked The Chipmunks into the upper branch Pussycat Lounge. NO!!!

Mike Durrett: CONFIDENTIAL

100 Things About Me #181

Big Mike on Campus

Voted "Most Original" by my high school senior class.

Runner-up: "Most Ladylike."

Plus, unanimous wins for "Most Annoying" and "I Think of You as More Like a Brother."

100 Things: #1 | Previous | Next

Mike Durrett: CONFIDENTIAL

Off the Wall

Saving Facebook: My Confessions

On the Golden Age of Television

Mike
Item: "'Dog the Bounty Hunter' Celebrates 200th Episode."

How? By everyone getting their tattoos tattooed?

Friend Claire
No, that would be silly; they are getting their piercings pierced.

Mike
I stand corrected while having my feet bound.

On Aretha Franklin Choosing Halle Berry to Play Her in a Movie

Friend Frank Thompson
Halle Berry? Darn! I was praying that Paul Giamatti would get the role.

Mike
He's that good! And it's a wig part!

On Superhero Worship

Mike
I've just joined The *EL KABONG* Fan Club. I can't wait for my cape, mask, and wide collection of Oops Wrong Costumes.

Friend Claire
I think that you will look cunning in your costumes.

Mike
Wait 'til I get my gittar!

Claire
No wonder the musician gets the girls.

On the Question

Friend Donna
Do you think Mike Durrett has the potential to be the next Saddam Hussein?

Mike
I got the beard, the derelict gaze, and the weapons of mass destruction (darn litter boxes).

On Keeping Warm

Friend Bill
Feet in the microwave to thaw out? Not recommended.

Mike
I like to feet in the soup pot, so everyone else can enjoy it, too!

Mike Durrett: CONFIDENTIAL

Seeing Spots!

Image via Wikipedia

Fifty years ago today, Jan. 25, my world and similar universes belonging to third grade buddies were rocked with an additional phenomenon joining our still warm "The Flintstones" buzz, launched four months earlier. The much-awaited Walt Disney full-length animated feature, "One Hundred and One Dalmatians" was released in American theatres to its initial audiences.

For a glorious winter, we classmates were obsessed with the cartoon puppies in peril and their crooked dognappers, led by the odd, creepy, evil Cruella De Vil. "One Hundred and One Dalmatians" was the second touchstone of our shared childhood pop culture trifecta, alongside Fred, Wilma, Barney, Betty, and Dino. The third was bubbling under, nearly three long years away, with John, George, Paul, and Ringo.

I love this film. It is a vivid visual treat, splashed with color, action, and humor. The revolutionary, although somewhat primitive, Xerox-aided animation technology imbues the picture with a "sketchy," contemporary quality unseen in previous Disney projects, leaving an attractive, improvised aura to the work which one-half 100 years later underscores and champions the wonderful hand-drawn art, a classic trade now sadly dripping away to robotic computers.

Back in 1961, while we all hummed the movie's Kanine Krunchies product placement jingle, my friends taught themselves to draw remarkably accurate recreations of these beloved critters. I was too impatient to become a credible artist, so I took every opportunity to watch and rewatch "One Hundred and One Dalmatians" and absorb all 6,469,952 spots.

I counted 'em.

I hope I remembered to carry the Pongo (72 spots).

"One Hundred and One Dalmatians" Original 1961 Theatrical Trailer via YouTube

"One Hundred and One Dalmatians" (1961) TV Commercial via YouTube

"Kanine Krunchies" Jingle From "101 Dalmatians" via YouTube

Mike Durrett: CONFIDENTIAL

Big Weekend

Friday

Listening to radio. Dicky Doo and the Don'ts, followed by Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons. Must be Nasal Night.

Saturday

Watching: "Inception": snoozing.

Sunday

My wife made me push around one of those li'l stunted growth grocery carts at the supermarket.

It was a girl's shopping buggy!

We bought tiny foods....

Mike Durrett: CONFIDENTIAL

90 Lines of Comedy Writing Happiness and Hi-Jinks

I've been rewatching a lot of the timeless Laurel and Hardy comedies. My favorite of the team's features may very well be "Block-Heads" (1938), although "Sons of the Desert" (1933) and "Way Out West" (1937) are strong contenders.

Looking through some of Stanley and Oliver's movie posters, I was dumbstruck to find this "Block-Heads" image with the headline, "90 Minutes of Happiness and Hi-Jinks."

We all know motion picture advertising is steeped in hyperbole, of course, but the official running time of this film is only 57 minutes, less than two-thirds of the published promise!

And, by all industry definitions I've ever encountered, that is three minutes short of the minimum recognized length to term a production as a feature. So, two big lies right there.

I could easily argue the project has more happiness and hi-jinks than most 90-minute alleged comedies, but the stated truth in advertising is grossly dishonest. Thanks, block-heads!

(Poster art via Laurel Hardy Archive on Facebook)

Mike Durrett: CONFIDENTIAL

I Got Nuthin'

Consolation Video: "Jay Thomas and The Lone Ranger" via YouTube

Mike Durrett: CONFIDENTIAL

Mikellaneous

My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter:

It's 1/11/11, 1:11 a.m. I am snowbound at home by myself. One is a lonely number. --Oh, wait one minute. I found the pies....

Joe Biden called and told me, "Don't start dating before you're 30." I blushed. He is sooo the rascal!

Watched: GOING THE DISTANCE — Go elsewhere.

Item: Aretha Franklin has anointed Halle Berry to play her in a biopic. Hollywood begins stitching fat suits to fat suit.

Item: Aretha Franklin has anointed Halle Berry to play her in a biopic. Eye test for Ms. Franklin, please. Aw, hell, eyes for Ms. Franklin!

Item: Aretha Franklin has anointed Halle Berry to play her in a biopic. Filming to commence after Halle finishes role as The Hindenburg.

The HOUSE, M.D.hiatus is over. I'm getting ready for the show. Off to Walmart to fine tune my surly....

Item: "DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER" Celebrates 200th Episode." And how do they do that? Free bad dye jobs for everyone?

Item: "DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER Celebrates 200th Episode." How? By not brushing hair or teeth for another couple of seasons?

What the heck, set my biological clock back an hour & may have gone too far. Zits & baby teeth are hints. Also, I'm down with Bieber Fever.

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Mike Durrett: CONFIDENTIAL

Big Weekend With Brian Regan

Big weekend, Snowbound: Day 6: I hiked out of the house, through the ice and snow and sludge and forest to the main road and the waiting getaway car. My wife and I traveled to north Atlanta to enjoy Brian Regan in concert.

Later, I hiked back through the ice and snow and sludge and forest to the house and wondered why I was Snowbound: Day 7.

"Brian Regan: Growing Older" via YouTube

"Brian Regan: Dinner Party" via YouTube

"Brian Regan: Walkie Talkie!" via YouTube

Mike Durrett: CONFIDENTIAL

The Wrong and the Ugly

It's the Strand Theatre in Marietta, GA, which underwent a multi-million dollar renovation several years ago. Actress Joanne Woodward spent much of her childhood watching movies inside the Strand.

All of those funds to restore the facility to a nice venue, yet the management chooses to offer their motion picture presentations from blown-up and blurry home-quality DVDs, according to several disgruntled customers. I refuse to go there. I won't tolerate or reward such a flagrant lack of professionalism. There are minimum movie industry standards and this place doesn't make the cut, nor, apparently, the effort.

The Strand has also developed a reputation for projecting widescreen shows with severely cropped pictures. Large pieces of the puzzles are missing! The full width is important.

My friend Randy attended "Jaws." He was sickened by the essentially straight-down-the-middle DVD he was tricked into viewing. In that particular situation, approximately 40% of the Panavision cinematography was deleted from the combined left and right sides of the image.

Randy knew it was bad when the shark jumped out of the ocean and Roy Scheider said, "We're gonna need a bigger screen."

Recently, we had dinner near the, ahem, showplace. As we headed to our cars, Randy and I looked over at the Strand marquee to see advertised, the expansive panoramic beauty, "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly."

We knew what that meant. Randy turned and faced me.

In unison, we said, "The Bad!"

Mike Durrett: CONFIDENTIAL

Fun in the Snow

Snowbound: Day 4 -- The video illustrates a good reason for me to be stuck in the house, safe from the inclement weather. I did elbow a glass lamp to the floor and breakage today, but that's another story for another time. How dare you bring it up?!

Anyway, glad I did not pursue the TV reporter career. This would be me.

"Owned by a Sled" via YouTube

Mike Durrett: CONFIDENTIAL

Off the Wall

Saving Facebook: My Confessions:

On the Arts

Mike
Rewatched: Alfred Hitchcock's "The 39 Steps" (1935). Getting up to speed for the contemporary stage play in a few weeks. Good evening.

Friend Claire
LOVE "The 39 Steps," required watching.

Mike
Yeah, but they're no Nicholas Brothers.

On Motion Picture Advancements

When it comes to 3-D movies, in nearly 60 years, no one has improved on Larry, Moe, and Shemp as pie salesmen. Period.

‎
On the 40th Anniversary of My College Radio Station, WRAS-FM, Atlanta

I had fully intended to attend the reunion, but due to an oversight, mix-up, and/or the dastardly comedy gods, I have a conflict that night. Have a big time sucking in your guts.

On the Homeless Announcer Landing Lucrative Macaroni and Cheese Commercials

So, do I have to lose my home and go panhandle to get some voice-over work?

Attention Kraft: I sound like mayonnaise.

On Literary Concerns

Mike
I am so behind on my reading. Up next: "Goldilocks and the Three Bears." I hear it's awesome.

Friend Frank Thompson
Spoiler alert! The baby bear's porridge is just right.

Mike
You sure can ruin a good porridge yarn.

Mike Durrett: CONFIDENTIAL

Big Weekend

Friday

With bright hope, clean ascot, remained by the telephone that refuses to ring. No one ever has a good Twist Party anymore.

Saturday

Wondered if they still make "the gum that squirts."

Tossed phone through window.

Sunday

Prepared for major snow and ice storm. Sent wife south to safety; braced for crushing week without "Put it on HGTV."

As five-to-nine inches began to fall, watched "Dinner for Schmucks," much to my horror. I'd neglected to hoard Schmuckburgers and Schmuckstreusels and Schmucktack.

Mike Durrett: CONFIDENTIAL

Mikellaneous

My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter:

On this, the very first day, the dawn of a new year, if you will, I resolve to craft each and every one of my tweets at 140 characters or le

Happy birthday, Elvis. His movies were important to my childhood, a role model. I am revered for my choreographed fistfights & rock-a-hula.

Breaking News: Life in America is returning to normal. I have completed more than two weeks without anyone mentioning Jennifer Aniston.

My wife: "I found the perfect gift for us -- a Betty White calendar for 2011! Really!" ... My Me: "No Allen Ludden nudes, I pray."

After never, I am experiencing a white Christmas, 4 in. snow so far. The bad news: We're stranded. The good: Not a chance of LITTLE FOCKERS.

Oh, great. I've got that Christmas carol stuck in my head again. "Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, right down Urinal Lane..."

Listening to Dean Martin sing "Rudy, the Red-Beaked Reindeer." I love his "Crib for the Unemployment Extensions."

Entering Snowbound Day 4. Looking grim. Two people. One banana. I'm just saying, I deserve it and I got more dimples.

Snowbound Day 4: Awaiting helicopter drop of ACME products. The banana shall be mine.

Snowed in. Can't reach movie theatre... Plan B: May hike to Waffle House. The help looks like Rooster Cogburn and they have true grits.

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Mike Durrett: CONFIDENTIAL

TV Pilot Video: 'Adventures of the Road-Runner'

Image via Wikipedia

The fun things I learn from GoldenAgeCartoons.com, like this:

[Animation director] Chuck Jones found himself in a "Quit or you're fired" situation around 1962 when it was discovered that he moonlighted on the film "Gay Purr-Ee" for UPA. But before his departure, Jones created a pilot for a potential Road Runner TV show. The show wasn't picked up, but the pilot was released as a theatrical featurette called "Adventures of the Road-Runner."

...Parts of the new footage used in this featurette / pilot were edited into "To Beep Or Not To Beep" (1963), though Milt Franklyn's music was replaced with Bill Lava's. Years later, further footage was edited into two more shorts for TV, "Road Runner A Go Go" and "Zip Zip Hooray."

The Oscar-nominated 1953 cartoon, "From A to Z-Z-Z-Z," is also recycled here, oddly, but obviously for financial considerations to pad the episode. Dick Beals, the voice of Speedy Alka-Seltzer, speaks for the young Ralph Phillips and his companion.

I'm not fond of Wile E. Coyote when he talks, as he (Mel Blanc) does in this pilot, because it feels of filler material and impairs the pace and tone of the characters' cartoons. The Road-Runner and his nemesis work best as sight gag comedians. Meep meep....

"Adventures of the Road-Runner" (1962) via YouTube

"Adventures of the Road-Runner, Part 2" via YouTube

Mike
My wife has informed me our Mickey Rourke-themed New Year's Eve Party is not going to happen. Guests are hereby released. You may bathe now.

Friend Claire
But what about all the tattoos and silver teeth I just finished getting?!?!

Mike
Well, you could still come over. We've misplaced the scratch pad and bottle opener.

On Christmas Wishes

I'm dreaming of a lottery-winning Christmas. Gotta reupholster the cats.

I did *win* 20-something bucks in a Microsoft class action suit. The check came last week. I may have to settle for spray painting the cats.

On Christmas Wishes, Too

Mike
The holiday pressure is raining down on me. Divine intervention is advised. Do I ask for a PajamaGram? Or a Christmas Snuggie?

Friend Bill
I'm sure you'd look real cute in the Snuggie!

Mike
Of course. Yes. Well, once the tailor lets it out some at the waist, legs, ankles, neck, and chins -- and if no one sees me in profile or light or without several stiff belts in 'em, maybe some Ambien and blindfolds.

On Thanks and Giving

Sis-in Law Jenifer
Oh, and thank you for our gifts. Did Donna tell you what you got us? LOL

Mike
As a matter of fact, I have an appointment with her next week to tell me what I gave to you.

On Michael Jackson

Cover of Tito Jackson
Friend Ray
Here in Atlanta, every New Year's Eve they have a party downtown.... This year's entertainment is ''Tito Jackson sings the hits of the Jackson 5.'' Tito sang on nothing the J5 did! Next year maybe they can get "Danny Bonaduce sings the hits of the Partridge Family."

Mike
Tito Fever. Catch it!

Deborah, Friend of a Friend
Is there a Jackson family member who's not trying to make money off MJ's death?

Mike
Stonewall.

Friend Ray
Mike, as I remember, you saw the Jackson Five @ Lenox. Any special memories of Tito?

Mike
I don't recall the full-Tito Jackson Five being at the Lenox Square Theatre [where I was a projectionist], but I did show "ET" to Michael Jackson when we were playing that movie. Ironically, Michael was already morphing into an extra-terrestrial. I'm glad I could provide him some cosmetic choices to peruse.

Around that time, I also saw and ran a movie for Amy Carter at the Lenox. Ironically, she was on tour singing the hits of the Jackson Five.

Friend Frank Thompson
That Amy Carter could do a mean Moonwalk.

Friend Ray
She was at the airport* singing the hits of the Hartsfield-Jackson 5.