Mike Durrett: CONFIDENTIAL

Off the Wall

Saving Facebook: My Confessions: 

Just Thinking:
Mike 
I'm only asking you to try this on for a few days. Give it a few days: Michael Bombshell Durrett.

Friend Ray 
How 'bout Michael "Dr. Bombay" Durrett?

Mike
Well, Ray, my friend, that ... would be ... dishonest.

I assume you are referring to Dr. Bombay from "Bewitched." I need to avoid becoming connected to that fine program due to awkward marital issues at home. Long, never publicly-addressed accusations of an extended affair of Agnes Moorehead amour have cornered me and the generous bequoth of her secret cannister warehouse of unspritzed Screen Gems hair lacquers. I shall only acknowledge I was a conscientious pool boy to Miss Endora and always returned the rake to the shed.

Friend Ray 
I believe you were more likely "Uncle Arthur's" pool boy, knowing your rep!

Mike 
That scamp. He forced me into the arms of Alice Ghostley.

Friend Frank
I once thought I spent an amorous weekend with Alice Ghostley but it turned out to be Paul Lynde in drag. Hey, who could tell the difference?


On the 90 Degrees Weather:
Friend Claire
Did you cook any eggs on the porch?

Mike 
That would be silly. Cook eggs on the roof. Muffins on the porch.

Friend Claire
I stand corrected! Where do you do the bacon?

Mike
Bacon on the sidewalk, near the curb for the drippings run-off. I don't eat meat, so I oatmeal in the gutter.


On Current Events:
Mike
News Item: "Man accused of drunken horse riding." 
Issued a DUP. Driving Under the Palimino.

Friend Claire
What was the horse drinking?

Mike
Cloptails.
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