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My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter, Where Everything Must Be Said in 140 Characters or Less

Hangin' out on No Pants Day.

I'm a bit concerned. I think I've got the swine hayfever. I've been "Ach-OINK!"ing all day.

Today is my one-year anniversary on Twitter. I think 140 of you characters should buy me a cake.

@zeldman asks: "Is man-boobs hyphenated?" ... No, it's cleaved.

@YourDailyCute asks: "Is there really such a thing as an overdose of cute?!" ... Nah, but I do cause swooning spells.

@YourDailyCute sez of my cuteness: "@MikeDurrett Heh. Lower the daily dose." ... Oh, I've tried, but even my swine flu mask is dimpled.

Raced to the animal hospital ... Arrived in time to overhear a detailed discussion on "eye boogies." So that was nice.

We equipped a specialty team of veterinarians with miners' hats. They went in and determined our stray cat is a "neutered male." They think.

In honor of today, Star Wars Day, I dozed off, just like I did in EMPIRE STRIKES BACK all those years ago, never to return.

"Dennis Rodman agrees to go to rehab, but only after Sunday's CELEBRITY APPRENTICE finale." ... Now , there's a guy with his s*** together.

@mkhammer asks "Best Internet list...ever?" ... Like, yeah! 50 ANIMALS WHO HATE BATHS: I'm #51, unless there's a squeaky toy.

@ElizabethScott reminds: "Last day of Caffeine Awareness Month." ... If not for caffeine, I'd get no exercise at all.

News Item: "Arrested Man Patted Down 4 Times, Still Has Gun" If gun persists more than 4 hrs., contact your doctor or Mexican drug cartel.

Every day is Earth Day at our house. We really need to invest in a Swiffer®.

My Twitteristics: Tweets(7.1/day), Engaging(43%), Good Connector(44%), Rounded Scissors (72%), Linty (83%)! http://mrtweet.net/MikeDurrett?t

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