Cartoon Carnival

Foghorn Leghorn in "Lovelorn Leghorn" (Robert McKimson, 1951)
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"The Flea Circus" (Tex Avery, 1954)
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Bugs Bunny in "Hare Do" (I. Freleng, 1949)
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Scare Bear

Oh. Great.

After months of peace and posies, our neighbors next door in the forest revealed they've had a fresh bear sighting.

Thus, I'm back in action, on alert for the beast(s). Unbridled courage permeates my never-ceasing vigilance.

Allow me to be the first to say, "Mommy."

Mike on the Go

What's on My Desk?

Previously: "What's on My Desk"

What the Heck Was I Thinking?

Actual Messages I Wrote, Forgot, Then Found While Cleaning Out My Email Folders

02/23/05

As Randy said to me only yesterday in the Wal-Mart video department, "I don't think Cedric has ever entertained me."

07/20/08

They look like-- well, when The Banana Man mates with The Harmonicats, that's what happens.

02/21/05

I've done my job to keep waxed lips alive, too. But enough about my sex life and, besides, my Free Balloons for the Kids hand pump is broken anyway.

Don't Tread on Mikey

So, Morty likes to watch horror movies and scare everyone in the household, eh?

Well, here's one to knock his footpads off. With running jokes and the all-star cats, it's a thriller about exercise!


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Monarch Mort

I've known many cats, but my boy Morty is one of the few who can turn a meow into a giggle.

Overnight, I caught him watching a foreign version of "King Kong," while pawing and chomping down hot buttered Friskies. He laughed smugly when Kong attacked the airplanes.

I don't know what to think anymore. How can Morty operate our home theatre system and I can't? He is the master of the universal remote.

I ate a piece of plain toast (we were out of butter) and went back to bed.

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Mikellaneous

My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter, Where Everything Must Be Said in 140 Characters or Less

Well, I didn't see this coming. After 40 years, my love beads want a divorce and half my garbonzos.

Headline: "Calif. Mom Gives Birth On Front Lawn By Herself." Lawn Jockey, Lawn Gnome, Lawn Midwife of No Help.

I saw Woody Allen's VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA, about a sensual threesome. Ah, I know the feeling. We in love, my wife, me, and Cherry Garcia.

Grrrr... I set the alarm and got up early today. Five hours later, I have accomplished exactly nothing. Nothing! Time for a nap and a nap...

All I know is if I don't write and publish something to my sites today and within the hour, I'm going to have to cancel the after parties.

Headline: "Woman fined for loud sex." So, who complained? Was she disturbing the peace or disturbing the piece?

100 Things About Me #158

Furry Tale

Currently, I maintain a five-day beard. Each Thursday, I trim it back, shaving out the Tuesday and the Saturday.

Yes. I am an accredited beard weaver.

I used to maintain a five-month beard, except I would put it on hold every July while I went away on vacation.

By sheer willpower, I would not let my beard resume until August 1st, although, by the end of the month, the June growth did become twice as thick, along with my basso profundo.


100 Things: #1 | Previous | Next

Action List

Ernest Borgnine: Still Happy After All These Years

The 91-year-old actor appears on "Fox and Friends" with a candid revelation.


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I'm not saying a word.

Apparently, for half another century...

Meanwhile...

Morty's putting finishing touches on the preparations for his annual mixer, celebrating the end of the dog days of summer.

I shan't confirm whether it's a wild party, because what happens at Morty's stays at Morty's. But...


160 pounds of kitty litter in the bathtub -- draw your own conclusions.

What the Heck Was I Thinking?

Actual Messages I Wrote, Forgot, Then Found While Cleaning Out My Email Folders

02/22/05

That reminds me. I think I got a bootleg Bobby Vee when I was a kid.

The label said: "The Night Has 999 Eyes and a Cyclops Swigging Visine."

07/13/08

Holy cavernous chin dimple, Batman!

07/21/08

I shun most birth control. I prefer the teensy cork method.

The bloating, I admit, is a problem.

Waiting for Robert E. Lee

Living in Georgia USA, it was discombobulating for me to wake up to the radio alert, "Russia attacks Georgia!"

I hate morning "Eek!" and under-the-bed dives -- especially since my bed is too close to the floor.

To get under it, I had to streak outdoors, corner the house, tuck and roll downhill, and belly-flop into the crawlspace.

Everything happened so quickly, I forgot my pillow, necessitating I streak back outdoors, tuck and roll uphill, uncorner the house, wipe my feet, reenter the humble abode, upheave the bedroom, grab Mademoiselle Pillow, streak outdoors, corner the house, tuck and roll downhill, belly-flop into the crawlspace, and hide my head under Mlle.

Oo la la!

Then, I remembered we have rattlesnakes in our crawlspace.

I also hate when smart-ass nature goes literal.

Jack Benny and Mel Blanc

Previously, I shared several of the classic Jack Benny and Mel Blanc "Si" sketches, here and here. I love those spots, which have been tickling me since childhood.

In this 1974 clip, Benny's final appearance on "The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson," Jack reminisces with Mel about their work together.


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Related: "The Miracle of the Benny"

100 Things About Me #157

All right, I am five pizzas, eight banana peppers tall.

Now what?


100 Things: #1 | Previous | Next

Mikellaneous

My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter, Where Everything Must Be Said in 140 Characters or Less

I've got to quit peering into the mirror. I'm not only fat, I'm outside the lines.

I viewed & translated Italy's TOO BAD SHE'S BAD (1954). I speak the universal language. It's called 20-Year-Old Sophia Loren in a Swimsuit.

I had a thought, observing kids at a restaurant. ... What a wonderful thing to be seven again and have all my pizzas in front of me.

I've become aware The Stupid Institute is following me on Twitter. I'm both humbled and paranoid I'm a research project.

I'm looking for a new sleep apnea breathing machine with a back-up battery. It needs to snore for me, too.

I'm boycotting the Olympics until they recognize my event: Freestyle Speed Sloth.

Mess o' Stress

Continued From: "Ball of Shame"


My stress ball popped.

Either:

a. I don't know my own massively incredible strength.

b. I am really stressed.

c. Shadow puppet bunnies are voracious nibblers.

About My Face

Re: "Ain't That a Kick in the Headshot"

I'm still gawping at this, my two-year-old About.com mug shot. Oooo, so sunny and charming!

The truth is I was standing in some tiny, cluttered hotel room in Atlanta with my hands in my pockets, foraging for nuts.

It took at least five people to make this photograph: the camera guy, the corporate wrangler, wardrobe, hair, makeup.

Yeah, makeup. To get color in my face, I was pelted with pout blusher. Unboxed.

I balked at makeup, but being a team player, I relented. Besides, there were snacks with every smock.

The Chocolush, Nougat Swirl, and Toffee Drizzle tasted dreadful.

So, that picture...

What's with the tilt of my neck? I look like a bobblehead doll.

Or one of those trick drinking birds dribbling Fuzzy Navels.

*sigh*

Later. I'm thirsty....

What the Heck Was I Thinking?

Actual Messages I Wrote, Forgot, Then Found While Cleaning Out My Email Folders

02/21/05

My compliments on the array of underwear displayed on the jail cell.

01/05/05

Da shizzle my pizzle you wizzle abra kadizzle, dogg! I hope Paris has some of those little soaps.

02/19/05

No, I'm not one of The Moody Blues. I'm growing the beard for my cabaret act, "A Tribute to Nancy Kulp."

Separated at Birth: Buddy Hackett and...

Gary Spivey

Separated at Birth: Pamela Anderson and...

Jerry Mahoney

Ball of Shame

"Do not place in microwave oven. Do not freeze."

In other words, do not stress.

Mikellaneous

My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter, Where Everything Must Be Said in 140 Characters or Less

I can tell the cat wants to go outside AND he wants to play baseball. He's meowing like Vin Scully.

Will Smith's I AM LEGEND is getting a prequel, I TO BE LEGEND.

I've learned the secret of fasting. When the doctor says no food after midnight, I eat an 8-course meal at 11:55.

Headline: "Angry man shoots lawn mower for not starting." There's no figuring some people. I shoot my lawn mower for starting.

I watched VITUS (2006) about a 12-year-old wunderkind pianist, pilot, and stockbroker. ... *sigh* ... I can, I can make a ball out of yarn.

I'm on a never-ending quest to find the perfect boomerang. Today, I'll be testing a cheesecake on a stick. Guess I'll be made to go outside.

The cheesecake-on-a-stick boomerang was a dismal failure. My fault. I wasn't thinking. It needs to be a stick on a cheesecake. Of course.

Hmmf. ... Moving on to custard-pie-on-a-stick boomerang...