Mikellaneous: Movie Edition

My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter, Where Everything Must Be Said in 140 Characters or Less

TCM Now Playing: SEVEN BRIDES FOR SEVEN BROTHERS - Then, Octomom in SINGLE BROODMARE FOR EIGHT FETUSES.

News Item: "Power Lines Disorient a Cow's Compass." Hmm, new Shia Lebeouf Hitchcock flick, MOO BY MOOWEST.

TCM Now Playing: UNDER THE YUM YUM TREE. Then, it's the U.S. Congress in PLUNDER, THE GLUM GLUM SPREE.

News Item: "Rihanna Denies BODYGUARD Remake Rumor." Thank goodness. The critics would beat her up.

Tonite on TCM: 6-hr. show: THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY & HOW THE WEST WAS WON. It's "When Men Were Men and Bladders Were Bladders Night."

@seanmalarkey sez "Am i weird because every time i write 'thanks' i think 'Tom hanks'?" Bope. (Bob Hope. The H is silent)

TCM Now Playing: HOUDINI. Followed by the Gary Coleman remake: WHACHOOTALKINABOUTDINI.

Bought THE 3 STOOGES, VOL. 5. I now proudly own all of the Curlies & the first 2 years of Shemps. You may touch me, but by appointment only.

Major Three Stooges movie coming with that wacky Sean Penn! I can't wait to see him coldcocked! That miserable, why you, I oughta--

TCM Now Showing: ZORRO'S FIGHTING LEGION: FLOWING DEATH. Then, ZORRO'S FIGHTING LEGION 2: FLOWING SNAPPLE AND SOME ZZZZZs.

@michael_bay sez "I would only remake CITIZEN KANE if they let me convert Rosebud into a kickass SeaDoo." And Xanadu into disco roller rink.

TCM Now Playing: KNIGHT WITHOUT ARMOUR. Then, DAY FOR NIGHT with Aumont.

Another snooty Hollywood star, @michaelianblack sez: "My toenail fungus looks particularly speckled this morning." Braggart.

On TCM: PSYCHO. I stayed at the Bates Motel once. Mrs Bates sunk my battleship in the tub. Cops found the corpse of Mr. Bubble in the swamp.

Fact: PSYCHO's Norman Bates is based on Ed Gein, who kept a cup of noses on his kitchen table. Pepper Steak Night must have been a delight.

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Mikellaneous

My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter, Where Everything Must Be Said in 140 Characters or Less

I've been awake 3 hours & just realized I didn't eat breakfast. I love that. It's now like a bonus meal!

Now grazing on a bowl of Cracklin' Oat Bran, Raisin Bran & Fruity Pebbles (Bamm Bammless). I have a short attention spoon.

Listening to David Rose's THE STRIPPER, peeling banana.

Another exciting Sunday night of DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES & a heat-seeking, lap-curling, desperate housecat. There's always a theme around here.

Phone Mail Hell: I'm finally off the phone with the Fraud Unit of my credit card company. "Your fraud is important to us.."

News Item: "Squirrels love squirrel-flavored chips." -- Well, we're either talking cannibals or Texas Holdem.

America's growing angry mob has invited me to a Tea Party. I'm to bring my fat-free pumpkin-spice ring!

I'm amused that one of the most popular tags at wefollow.com is #yourtag.

A new study says old age begins at 27. Heck, I'm starting my third round. Obviously, it didn't take. I'll check back at 81.

@michaelianblack sez "Satan, thy name is pizza." -- Hmm, Beelzebub and mushrooms. I could die with that. And some Crazy Bread.

@paulfeig sez "I went w/the pancakes this morning. Is that my huge ass in my pants or am I just happy to C you?" Your hashbrowns R leaking.

News Item: "Twitter Now Growing at a Staggering 1,382 Percent" -- Sadly, me, too. Tootsie Rolls, anyone?

@DaveMalby sez: "I know...put a 'More' button on your wife..." -- It ... just ... might ... work! That is GENIUS!

Watching THE NEW ADVENTURES OF OLD CHRISTINE. They're birthin' babies. I never had to go through that. ... Corks.

I've been caring for a stray cat for nearly a month. I still don't know if it's a boy or a girl. ... I'm shy. Tee hee.

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Thoughts During 'Happy Days: A New Grease'

• I'd be happier with my $34.25 times two and our day back.
  
  
• Life was more innocent without that kinetic Tom Bosley impersonator dancing in my head.
  
  
• Eww. The prop master tonging Fonzie his T-shirt.
  
  
• Will there be a gratuitous Laverne and Shirley referen-- Yep. Can we leave now?
  
  
• Richie Cunningham is bald, you know.
  
  
• How much longer must I wait for unborn chuckleheaded thespians to Broadway-revive Punky Brewster and Urkel? Alas! Hear my cries, Fate!
  
  
• Poor Mrs. C. was ignor-- ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz...
  
  
• I hope they wake me for the dramatic climax: Going Home.
  
  
• Gosharoonies, I wonder wherever the Chachi Fan Club delegates are seated?
  
  
• Hmm. My hives spell out: "AAAAYH!"
  
  
• "How do you do, ladies? I'm in town all week national touring as TV's Potsie, and this is my studly chorus boy, Ralph Malph."
  
  
• I'm watching poodle skirts!

Meanwhile...

I don't know what to think about that cat.

Morty is in a time-out.

I caught him sexting salmon.

This Is Where We Came In, Dennis Regan...

Continued From: "Brian Regan: Treasure Chest"

Opening for Brian Regan, his brother Dennis!

This doesn't happen often in nature, two stand-up comics in the same family on the same show.

The only career trajectory I share with my brothers is fighting over the gravy boat. Is there any money in that? Somebody, anybody, tip me a giblet.


_{"Dennis Regan Corporate Demo" via YouTube}

Brian Regan: Treasure Chest

Saturday night in Atlanta, we saw favorite comedian Brian Regan for the fifth time, if memory serves. I was highly satisfied with his performance. Tears of hysteria flowed more than an hour and I walked away suitably mildewed.

Upon our insistence, remedying an overdue exposure to Brian, Donna and I dragged along a loyal friend in need of good cheer. Recuperating from a painful chest injury, Stan laughed uncontrollably, grimacing all contorted. Even though I comped the gurney ride out of row D to the ambulance, he's no longer speaking to us.

Here are several of the previous Brian Regan video stand-ups I'm forwarding to brighten Stan's month or three ICU vacation.


"Refrigerators" via YouTube


"Foods and Labels" via YouTube


"Reading" via YouTube

Mikellaneous

My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter, Where Everything Must Be Said in 140 Characters or Less

I've had my morning coffee and nap, yet still sluggish. May go brew another cup and use the Jazzercise mug this time.

Mmm. Me like naps. Just add milkshakes.

News: "Boy, 13, goes on 'electric shock free-for-all' zapping classmates with stun gun." Technology.. We snapped bra straps.

New Osama bin Laden terror tape: Long rant on infidels of HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER. Also, mentions his loathing for band camp.

@brooksbayne sez "recycling a 3-ft. stack of newspapers *can* save 1 tree, but try taking a tree with u to the john." I take the PC monitor.

It's going to be another great day! The cat has already put his butt in my orange juice.

Gee. That was the first time in my life I ever called someone a "dude." Scary.

@dankuehn asks "is twittering on your laptop as you drive down the highway illegal?" I dunno, but that phrase sure has changed meanings.

@Bloggeries asks: "Anyone ever tried snorting salt water to clear out the sinuses?" Tobasco sauce works best, but I can't afford the Visine.

It's that very special time of the day when I'll accept swag. I'll be on the porch.

News Item: "Women knock out men with chloroform on breasts then rob them." The ol' Tit and Run...

Watched SWISS FAMILY JODIE FOSTER, aka NIM'S ISLAND. It features a wacky seal, bearded dragon & pelican (not unlike 2007 cast of THE VIEW).

It would be fun to live on a deserted island, but a desserted island would be even better with pie growing on trees and foamy merengue surf!

@frannycats asks "Are You Kitty-Whipped?" No, I burp them after Tender Vittles like everyone else. http://tinyurl.com/c94ywg

"Charlie Sheen & wife welcome twin boys." Huh? The TWO & A HALF MEN star couldn't eke out another half kid? What a squirt.

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That's All I Can Stands and I Can't Stands No More!

I quit.

I fired About.com, a New York Times Company.

Soon to Be a Major Motion Picture.