100 Things About Me #158

Furry Tale

Currently, I maintain a five-day beard. Each Thursday, I trim it back, shaving out the Tuesday and the Saturday.

Yes. I am an accredited beard weaver.

I used to maintain a five-month beard, except I would put it on hold every July while I went away on vacation.

By sheer willpower, I would not let my beard resume until August 1st, although, by the end of the month, the June growth did become twice as thick, along with my basso profundo.


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Action List

Ernest Borgnine: Still Happy After All These Years

The 91-year-old actor appears on "Fox and Friends" with a candid revelation.


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I'm not saying a word.

Apparently, for half another century...

Meanwhile...

Morty's putting finishing touches on the preparations for his annual mixer, celebrating the end of the dog days of summer.

I shan't confirm whether it's a wild party, because what happens at Morty's stays at Morty's. But...


160 pounds of kitty litter in the bathtub -- draw your own conclusions.

What the Heck Was I Thinking?

Actual Messages I Wrote, Forgot, Then Found While Cleaning Out My Email Folders

02/22/05

That reminds me. I think I got a bootleg Bobby Vee when I was a kid.

The label said: "The Night Has 999 Eyes and a Cyclops Swigging Visine."

07/13/08

Holy cavernous chin dimple, Batman!

07/21/08

I shun most birth control. I prefer the teensy cork method.

The bloating, I admit, is a problem.

Waiting for Robert E. Lee

Living in Georgia USA, it was discombobulating for me to wake up to the radio alert, "Russia attacks Georgia!"

I hate morning "Eek!" and under-the-bed dives -- especially since my bed is too close to the floor.

To get under it, I had to streak outdoors, corner the house, tuck and roll downhill, and belly-flop into the crawlspace.

Everything happened so quickly, I forgot my pillow, necessitating I streak back outdoors, tuck and roll uphill, uncorner the house, wipe my feet, reenter the humble abode, upheave the bedroom, grab Mademoiselle Pillow, streak outdoors, corner the house, tuck and roll downhill, belly-flop into the crawlspace, and hide my head under Mlle.

Oo la la!

Then, I remembered we have rattlesnakes in our crawlspace.

I also hate when smart-ass nature goes literal.

Jack Benny and Mel Blanc

Previously, I shared several of the classic Jack Benny and Mel Blanc "Si" sketches, here and here. I love those spots, which have been tickling me since childhood.

In this 1974 clip, Benny's final appearance on "The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson," Jack reminisces with Mel about their work together.


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Related: "The Miracle of the Benny"

100 Things About Me #157

All right, I am five pizzas, eight banana peppers tall.

Now what?


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