Mike Durrett: CONFIDENTIAL

This Be My Valentine's

We hopped into the roadster and excelled at high speeds and misdemeanors to dinner and a movie.

The meal was gnashed, chomped, and gulped at our favorite Italian restaurant. I had the Angel Hair Pasta, which I always get, but since this was a special occasion, I ordered conditioner, highlights, and extra halos.

At the theatre, we redeemed a coupon for free popcorn. The snack bag was narrow and rectangular in shape and measured inches shorter than my shoe -- a four dollar value! That means the corn colonizing my large toe is worth 19 cents.

The film was "The Queen" with Helen Mirren, perfect in every way.

Well, they did cut corners. I would have budgeted an extra million or two on bigger ears.

Prince Charles is supposed to look like dueling satellite dishes.

That guy picks up 312 channels and complimentary Cinemax on his intuition.
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