What's Your Life Rated on the MPAA Rating Scale?

I read where the producers of the comedy "Team America: World Police" submitted their film to the Motion Picture Association of America for its theatrical rating. An "NC-17" designation was awarded, meaning the movie was objectionable and no admittance would be extended to persons under 17.

Heaven, help us!

The matter of dispute was a graphic lovemaking sequence involving consenting marionettes. The studio regrouped and trimmed the sequence more than a dozen times before being granted a commercially desirable "R" rating. I was led to believe the offending scene had been cut entirely from the film.

Praise the Lord!

While watching "Team America" in a theatre recently, I was surprised -- and surprised again -- and surprised again -- to see the marionettes mate. The montage included numerous graphic images and, shall we say, adventurous positioning.


I lived through it. Slightly winded. In need of a blotting cloth.

Burdened, I was, with impure thoughts of Howdy Doody and Heidi Doody.

At the same time, I was greatly puzzled. If this scene was the soft version, what in the world had been edited out?


Meanwhile, I contemplated. If I were a movie, what would my life be rated?


For an answer, I visited the trusty Internet. Perhaps, you've heard of it?

Gee, it's swell!

I found a personality quiz, "Whats Your Life Rated on the MPAA Rating Scale?" I responded to the 10 questions and submitted the results for an evaluation.

I had anticipated one of the "PG" ratings or a "G," so my assessment as an "R" troubles me. After all, I am a family man who spends his life in cartoon character sweatshirts and Tigger slippers, for goodness sakes--

Aw, crap!

Late again. I gotta quit typing and go knock over the liquor store. Dammit. Where's my Glock? I bet that whore snatched it. And the toot.


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