Mikellaneous

My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter, Where Everything Must Be Said in 140 Characters or Less

This is not good. My BANANA SPLITS DVDs have brown spots on them.

Sitting around, waiting to chomp somebody on the leg. I mistook Kibbles 'n Bits for Fruity Pebbles. ... Embarrassing. We don't have a dog.

Most of you know me as The Six Million Dollar Man, which is a bit odd because I'm mostly donuts and honey buns and five rolls of nickels.

The Golden Globes, The Oscars, and awards shows in general: Much a nothing about doo-doo.

Hearing test time.. I'm listening to a commercial on clogged drains & thinking, "Claude Rains? What does Claude Rains have to do with this?"

As a proud Boy Scout, I have never wavered. Our motto: "Be prepared." I am. The Girl Scout cookies will be here momentarily.

Watching: THE TIME TRAVELER'S WIFE. It should get really good if he travels back to Rooster Cogburn and The Mandrell Sisters.

ShootForTheHead.com is a new site about zombies, looking for writers. ... Why not? I put in years writing FOR zombies...

Another disturbing sign I am losing it. Awake for seven hours today before I remembered the house is full of Girl Scout cookies.

I may have just invented the egg salad with cheese sandwich. I am heady with brilliance -- and some old mayonnaise.

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Cartoon Carnival

Feb. 26 marked the 102nd birthday of ace animator Tex Avery, who amassed the funniest body of animated cartoons in history. Enjoy this collection of short motion pictures from his platinum period at MGM.


"Magical Maestro" (1952) via YouTube


"Droopy's Double Trouble" (1951) via YouTube


"One Cab's Family" (1952) via YouTube

I Got Nuthin'

Consolation Video: "Shorewood Lip Dub" via YouTube


"Shorewood Lip Dub: How It Was Filmed" via YouTube
Thanks to Frank Thompson

Cryptic Notes to Self

Contemplate getting closer to Old Man hats

Prop wife & daughter ... They're rentals.

Be the first on your block to say, "Oh My God!"

Chef Boyardee sells me p*rn

Wiener Dog Pull Toy

     Spicy Pull Mustard
     Spicy Pull Ketchup & Mustard

Meanwhile...

Morty is in production meetings for "Where's Morty," his copyrighted Internet feature, seen on these pages. He's busy reviewing recent episodes and plotting new adventures for his fans and tax base.

Morty has nixed headlining in an elaborate lip dub music video of the "Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow" Meow Mix jingle, because he does not welcome the compulsion to bathe the heads of all of the kitty extras during the shoot. It would bust his moves, man.

He would like his followers to know he is on a strict diet to drop those extra ounces he recently gained. For the duration, yummy Fancy Feast is off limits. Morty is negotiating an endorsement deal for low calorie Unembellished Feast.

His exercise routine has stepped up from chasing the ball of string to daily runs on a treadmill of yarn.

I Got Nuthin'

Consolation Video: "45 Anni Sensa Stanlio" ("45 Years Since Laurel")
Stan Laurel, June 16, 1890 - Feb. 23, 1965
Thanks to Frank Thompson

Big Weekend

Big weekend, staring at the wall calendar, X-ing off the sunsets until the show.

"South Pacific" revivals are about the only place you can go these days to see good coconut bras.

Mikellaneous

My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter, Where Everything Must Be Said in 140 Characters or Less

Headline: "New hospital gowns will cover patients' bottoms." Oh, great. I guess I'll have to start vacationing elsewhere...

My fame grows. I'm known as Pancake Batter's Mike Durrett and Crumpled Lipstick-Blotted Kleenex Moistened With Mommy Spittle's Mike Durrett.

Confabbing with my Vermont Teddy Bear counselor ... career guidance... and maybe some new tummy fuzzy....

@mental_floss sez: "Oscar-winning F. Murray Abraham played the original Fig Leaf in the Fruit of the Loom TV" ads. ... Best Supported Actor?

This is not good. I need to let out my parachute pants. ... (I'll put that on my resolutions for 1990.) ...

I haven't seen this much snow since some of those record guys during my radio career.

Headline: "Massive Star Blows Hourglass Nebula" -- Darn that Kirstie Alley!

Watching HIGH SOCIETY. Grace Kelly is wooing Frank Sinatra & Bing Crosby. What do they have that I don't?... Oh. Yeah. Darn... Oily toupees.

Headline: "Tiger Woods apologizes for ‘irresponsible and selfish behavior,’" then zips it.

Hour 5: Feeble snow flurries continue. Accumulation: no appreciable feeble.

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100 Things About Me #176

Fresh Hell

I became aware of Saran Wrap about the time George Jetson was munching the pie in this commercial, meaning when the ad first aired on television, as Mr. Jetson still resides in the distant future and has not eaten the pie I saw him eat, yet.

No wonder I am screwed up.


"The Jetsons for Saran Wrap" via YouTube and "Cartoon Carnival" Radio Show
Anyway, my mother refused to buy Saran Wrap when I was a child. She said it cost too much money and, perhaps, it did in the early '60s when she was packing lunches for four growing boys. We managed through many a brown bag feast with trusty prehistoric wax paper sealing our savory, slimy slabs o' Spam sammiches.

No wonder I am screwed up.

The world changed in the summer of 1969. Hippies frolicked and Mom went wild. She purchased her first box -- and maybe her last box -- of Saran Wrap.

To this day, I can hear her in the kitchen, moaning out of frustration. She was hopeless with gadgets. In her mind, Saran Wrap's clingy, tightening qualities might as well have been an intricate system of clock gears or movable pulleys. She could not master the physical mysteries of the thin plastic, only to have every bit of the confounded material stick and tangle unto itself, far beyond any hope of salvage -- or shrinkage.

No wonder I Ziplock.

I remember the huge wad of wild Saran Wrap, the size of a stalk of dewy bananas or Mothra's cocoon.

The mass enveloped Mom's wrist, elbow, and hand (in that order).

The yards of misguided wonderfulness at both ends of the roll fluttered in the dawn cool, stretching to her right open-toed pump, while the opposite flap continued along with a feminine swoop to an eyelash.

Mother's thumb remained miraculously fresh until my high school's shop class cut her out.

"That's a wrap," I said. "Mom, how about a shrink?"

She gave me The Slow Burn Gaze of Death^™ and folded into her car and drove away.

Those kids, though, they were great. They bought me lunch.

100 Things: #1 | Previous | Next

Young Mike 'n 'Stein

Occasionally, I am reminded life imitates art.

At a recent performance of the "Young Frankenstein" musical inside the Atlanta Fox Theatre, I took one glance at the image of the infamous Count's residence high on a bluff...

...and realized I dwell somewhat the same....

Of course, I am nothing like the mad scientists successfully reanimating grave-robbed corpses. I'm more of a crazed typist heavy breathing raspy wisps of alleged life into dead jokes.

Villagers, there is no cause for alarm!

Do not storm my castle!

Beware of kitty!

Deer, Dear Me

Another snowstorm moved into our yard at the start of "The Huggable Durretts' 29th Anniversary Celebration Weekend Sans Pie, Where's the Lemon Pie, Lady?"

I looked out the kitchen window to see if my wife had arrived at the cozy abode / love nest / overstuffed closet.

Run! Run like the wind! Donna's home!

I Got Nuthin'

 Consolation Video: ''BIG RED TEXT'' via CollegeHumor
Thanks to Randy Stewart

Big Weekend

Big weekend, celebrating our marriage: Valentine's Day = 29 years!

We began the romantic festivities Saturday with me on Facebook. (Actual quotes below.)

Friend Comment
Do you think Mike Durrett is fast?

Mike Durrett
Fast? I have to take a four-hour nap and a Slurpee to get up to sluggish.

...And me without a Hoodie-Footie Snuggle Suit for the Manly Man. (I want one with a camouflage trap door.)

The truth be told, I am not fast. I have been faithful to my wife, unless you count swiping her trick-or-treat candies.

And she's not to learn about those. You hear?!

Later, we viewed a late-night film, which I couldn't wait to discuss on Facebook.

Mike Durrett
Watching AMELIA. Huh? Is the movie about airplanes? Or gigantic teeth? I haven't seen anything this scary since JAWS, DRACULA & The Osmonds.

Friend Comment
You're only scared because you are up so late, go to bed!

Mike Durrett
Bed? Who can sleep? I'll be up all night flossing. I've left a voice mail consoling Bucky the Ipana Beaver. Mortimer Snerd phoned, having esteem issues...

Everybody in the movie keeps asking her to open their potato chip bags!

Amelia's overbite is so big, I expect it to leave marks in the next show I watch.

Sunday morning, we entered our 30th year of man-and-wifeyness with me responding to the family best wishes on Facebook.

Mike Durrett
Thanks, kids. We are so crazy in love, we just had waffles.

Safe waffles. After marriage.

Brother Comment
Stay warm. We have extra snow if you guys need any.

Mike Durrett
More snow coming here. Send syrup.

The "kids" reference is a term of endearment. We have no children. I was too tense, waiting for the invention of Facebook.

Donna also baked cookies and we went out to dinner. I chomped both meals and wrote about them on Facebook.

Anniversary concluded.

Then, we booked face.

Valentine's Decades

Today is my 29th wedding anniversary.

Thank you.

Surprisingly, it is also Donna's 29th wedding anniversary. We've made it together and we have pretty much outlived or been married longer than the wise skeptics who were certain we wouldn't remain coupled to the rice fling.

(We even triumphed over the pinto beans thunderboomers during our rice shower.)

To quote the immortal philosopher Snoopy:

"BLEAH!!"

Our secrets to a long marriage?

Well, I guess I can share them with the likes of you. S'okay...

We never go to bed angry. (We fall asleep on the sofa or in the computer chair, trying not to fume and scorch the furniture.

And, she's never called me Geraldo.

(We're saving that 'til Year 37.)

Take those to the bank, lovesters.

Meanwhile...

Morty's panicked with the prospect of being snowed in for days.

He gave me the evil eye, which means only one thing. I would be perpetual lunch unless I fetched Whiskas with gravy.

Can I help it I am juicy?

I hiked the six miles to the store and six back.

I had no choice. Morty's fangs morphed into sporks.

Mikellaneous

My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter, Where Everything Must Be Said in 140 Characters or Less

I saw my shadow, which means six more months of cursing the %$#@! treadmill.

At the stroke of midnight, let's all whisper and stretch our words and say, "Viewer discretion is advised."

Who needs the Super Bowl? I can acquire my own uses for Fritos.

I'm having sympathy pains for my friends up north in the snow blizzard. I bought out all of the toilet paper for miles.

One thing comes to mind, reading over the Oscar nominations. I should change my name to Mi’Nique.

@mshowalter sez: "I'm really glad that I wasn't one of the people in the Donner Party. That would have sucked." ...No, sir, that would bite.

I'm reading where authority Linus Van Pelt refers to The Tooth Fairy as "she." My entire world view has been rocked! My life has been a lie!

@RasmussenPoll reports: "71% say fed govt is special interest group." 101% of me says that!

Oh, great. ... Another ice storm. ... Here I am at the igloo, eating blubber. ... Vegan blubber. ... Tofu in the shape of Kirstie Alley....

I've been pro-women, equal pay, equal rights, but can I get a guy's Hoodie-Footie Snuggle Suit? No, I cannot. Hypocrites...

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Cryptic Notes to Self

Doris Day had me fixed.

Games checked thru cow chip.

Yoda in a Cup ... Yoda on a Stick.

Goin' on vacation. Nobody's called me beguiling.

Wiener postcards