I Got Nuthin'

Consolation Video: "Wine Chill'as: A Chinchilla's First Love" via YouTube

Meanwhile... Big Weekend

Morty had a doctor's appointment for his annual medical physical. 

No clues. Where's Morty? 

.
A Box Full of Morty strikes a pose.

"They are going to take my temperature, aren't they?"

Temperature: Normal. Fecal Sample Fetcher: Long. Way long. Too long. Heart: Normal. Teeth: Good. Weight: 9.5 pounds--

"Wait! Are those needles?!"

"Home, Jeeves! Step on it!!

Double Feature Talking Animals: 'Ultimate Dog Tease' and 'Talking Cats Play Pattycake'

We watched "My Brother Talks to Horses" (1947). A boy communicates with animals, but nobody's mouth moves. It's all mind-reading. I call "FAKE!"

Now, these critters actually do talk! You can hear them. Watch.

Oh, and, if you must know, my lips move when I type.



"Ultimate Dog Tease" via YouTube


"Talking Cats Play Pattycake" via YouTube

Meanwhile... Big Weekend

Big weekend with quite the excitement.

One of our cats, Fella, was intently spellbound when an unattached litter box hood mysteriously moved about our second-story porch!

I haven't witnessed anything like that since the kitties' Ouija seance.

Frankly, the apparition gave me the vapors. I have to tell you.

I wish Morty could have seen it. He would have been enthralled. He must have been in hiding. Where, I dunno.

No No Pants Day!

Happiness Is a Warm Puppy, No Pants Day 2010

People, who know me and fine legs, know that I absolutely adore the first Friday in May, the annual Springy occasion of dignity, and haunch breeze: No Pants Day!

Well, this year, I forgot and wore pants, as usual, causing assorted prickly heats, plus sog problems in the shower, as usual.

I guess I simply lost my place in the grand procession of No Thongs Day, No Spanx Day, No PajamaJeans Day, No Hoodie-Footies Day, No Alpha Bunny Ears and Slimming Cottontail Day, and so forth.

Oh, hey, sorry. Allow me to make it up to you....

PANTS!

"Beach Dog" via YouTube



"Panting Cat" via YouTube



"Panting Baby" via YouTube

Previously: No Pants Day 2010 | No Pants Day 2008 | No Pants Day 2004 via About.com

Behind the Scenes: The Making of 'Double Feature Kitties: "Bathing in a Bucket" and "Sad Cat"'

There's been quite a controversy over the personal photographs taken during Morty's production meeting for his recent video post, "Double Feature Kitties: 'Bathing in a Bucket' and 'Sad Cat.' The barrage of questions from his fans and the lame-stream media on whether Morty would release the pictures or not can be put to rest. Here are the graphic, untouched shapshots, an emotional CONFIDENTIAL exclusive.

Even after repeat viewings, Morty was distraught over the plight of the poor wet baby in the bucket. Morty is shown checking for a fever.

Emergency tissues were delivered to avert a stream of pussycat tears shorting the ampersand. Wacky puppy-faced emoticons were not so fortunate.

Morty refused a Puffs eye dab, claiming my Puff reference was blatant speciesism.

Apologies to all cats named Puff, past, present, and future.

Also, all cats named Kleenex, just in case.

I Got Nuthin'

Consolation Video: "Cookie the Little Penguin at the Cincinnati Zoo" via YouTube

Meet the Neighbors

Residing in a rural area, we expect to observe the occasional romantic rendezvous along the lane, but not next to our house! 

He's in love.

Meanwhile...

Happy Easter!

Double Feature Kitties: 'Bathing in a Bucket' and 'Sad Cat'

I left the home office for a few minutes to go exercise my right to not exercise or even give it-- give something a thought. That's when I heard Morty at the desk, sniffling uncontrollably while he burrowed through my delightfully decorative cardboard box of tissues.

He allowed me to peruse the computer's Website history. "Bathing in a Bucket" and "Sad Cat" videos were itemized after my most recently visited dotcom, "BBFC: Big Breasted Fried Chicken, There's One Near You, No Smirking, Mike." Morty's entire eight pounds of curiosity had been watching these motion pictures.

I can read him like a cat. His current paragraph, tense in the first feline present, cries of "absolutely the saddest movies ever made."

Morty has requested that any spooky and disturbing shower scenes be excised -- which is not like exercise. I should know, winded now.



"Bathing in a Bucket" via YouTube



"Sad Cat" via YouTube
Nice Yoda.

I Got Nuthin'

Consolation Video: The Shirelles: "The Marmoset Song" via YouTube

Meet the Neighbors

You may know about the 24-hour all-you-can-eat buffet we operate in our driveway, but you might not know we have been fighting the installation of a sneeze guard over the serving table.

And now, thanks to this hare-brain, the county says we must install a cottontail guard....

Attention Neighbors!: Do Not Sit on the Food!

Behind the Scenes: The Making of 'Double Feature Puppies'

Here are several snapshots from our recent production meeting for this blog's motion pictures post, "Double Feature Puppies: 'Breakfast at Ginger's' and 'Tucker at the Piano.'" Morty led the session at the computer screen, as usual, bragging about how he was an early adopter of Tabby browsing. He also insisted he is instinctually superior at mousing.

I think he may have mewed, "This is my work."

Unions.

Morty thought this sequence was ridiculous and beyond belief. Dogs don't fuss over bananas and they certainly aren't fans of wrist watches. He pitied the spots, pathetically unconvincing.

Morty did not plan to feature this movie in his presentation, but his first choice was not available. Just as well, Morty believes "The Black Swan" would have been much better with a canary.

"Schnoodle. He has got to be kidding."

Double Feature Puppies: 'Breakfast at Ginger's' and 'Tucker at the Piano'

My pussycat may be letting success go to his head ever since becoming a movie star ("Morty's Excellent Day," "Scenes From a Drive-in Movie").

I've walked in several times to find Morty watching Web videos on the computer, meowing under his breath, wide-eyed with ridiculous glee. I suspect he's muttering, "Stupid dog" or "Doofus dog" or "Can I get some more mice over here?"

His latest sarcasms were directed at these, to borrow a phrase, Americanine idols.



"Breakfast at Ginger's" via YouTube


"Tucker at the Piano" via YouTube

Thanks to Anita Carter Hillman.

Meanwhile...

Morty's joining me in celebrating Jerry Lewis' 85th birthday today. That snoopy cat jumped onto my desk and computer while I was looking at Jerry video from German television. Morty went nuts following the musical pantomime. He'd track Jerry around the screen and enthusiastically scratch and thrash at the comedian to obliterate him from this earth.

I was proud Morty could observe man at his most dignified.

We watched the silliness four times. Here it is:



Jerry Lewis: "Am Laufenden Band" (1977) via YouTube

Gifts Senior Moment Santa Forgot to Bring Me: Hug-a-Pug Bingo

And another thing waddly old St. Nick failed to put under my Christmas tree, the coveted Hug-a-Pug Bingo set.

I love being the Master of Ceremonies for an exciting game of Bingo. Oh, how I ache to call out: "Under the Shih Tzu, 2."

Big Weekend

Big weekend, hanging out with my new pal, Rango.

I'm the one on the left.

Rango has a film at the theatres and, thus, I found myself inside a trend. (I am, after all, Mr. Fashionable, Mr. Coffee Achiever, and runner-up Monsieur Styrofoam Sectional Plate.)

What trend? Well, last week, I saw "The Giant Gila Monster" and Rango is also a, pardon the expression, lizard, so I took in his biopic, too.

I'm already scouring the movie listings for a Sean Penn to continue the streak next weekend.

To be more specific, Rango is a chameleon. As a child, I was fascinated with chameleons and their magical adaptive powers. A chameleon sitting on a brown leaf turns brown. A chameleon on a green leaf turns green.

I grew apart from that interest rather soon when I discovered a chameleon on a plaid leaf does not turn plaid. Chameleons are underachievers. They need to try harder.

Except for Rango. In his movie, which I admire and recommend, he transforms himself into a heroic western sheriff, facing a gunfight at the OK reptile.



"Rango" (2011) Trailer via YouTube

Slackjaw Dumbstruck: 'Chester the Incredible Peeing Dog'

The Greatest Shower on Earth. 

"Chester the Incredible Peeing Dog" from "America's Funniest Home Videos" via Metacafe

My hat and protective tarp are off to Chester and his morning routine. All I can say is I can't wait to hurry-up go sleep. 

Thanks to Tim Butzon. Wash your hands, Tim.

Big Weekend

Big weekend, trying to teach my cat to talk like Speedy Alka-Seltzer. We could make some important money.

Conan O'Brien Presents 'The Lingerie Puppy Bowl'

Woof la la!



Conan O'Brien presents "The Lingerie Puppy Bowl" (2011) via YouTube